There was outrage across the United States this afternoon after the President of Mexico said “fuck this shit” and vowed to close the border with the US.

“Honestly, it’s too dangerous up there. Have you seen how many school shootings they have. It’s like the Wild West, but with more Mexicans.” President Enrique Pena Nieto told The Rochdale Herald.

The move comes after an ambiguous visit by mock haired King of the Oompa Loompas Donald Trump, who once famously described Mexicans as “rapists and good people”, last week to discuss proposals for a border wall.

“I’m not sure what we get out of this relationship anyway. They get our hard working field labourers and construction workers, we get their spring break college douche bags and getaway drivers.”

“Honestly we’ve had enough of being derided by this clown in a wig. We’re going to build a wall, and make America pay for it.”

A spokesman for the Trump campaign said;

“That’s ridiculous. They can’t expect us to build a 2,000 mile long wall and make us pay for it. That would be absurd.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.