Waiting for hours for the hope of a seat, crushed up against other in the park, or crouched uncomfortably in the queues is an all-too-common experience for many Theme Park go-ers. But you can expect to spot the leader of the opposition on the floor to share your pain.

Jeremy Corbyn was spotted randomly by a member of the public and not a paid photo journalist last week at Alton Towers just like he pretended to do with commuters on a three-hour train journey from London to Newcastle.

 “The reality is there are not enough seats on Roller Coasters & we need more of them – and they’re also incredibly expensive” said Corbyn who also added that the whole experience was a good case for public ownership of Alton Towers.

Later, Corbyn said: “Is it fair that I should upgrade to a queue-hopper ticket whilst others who might not be able to afford such a luxury should have to sit on the floor? It’s their money I would be spending after all!” 

It is not the first time Corbyn has cynically tried to present “the reality” of Britain’s woes. It now turns out that he buys his underpants at Marks & Spencer and not from the Help the Aged shop in Islington

Mr Corbyn was unavailable for comment although the front windows to the Rochdale Herald offices had bricks thrown through them again after they had only just been repaired from the last time.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.