Muppets across Britain are furious today after learning that the name of their species was used as a slur to describe vandals by an announcer on a South West train.

The furry creatures (proper name Glovupass Jimhensonis) who are amongst some of our most famous cultural icons have demanded an apology.

“This is an outrage,” said Miss Piggy- aka Portia Pigathius, “The use of our name to insult inferior specimens of human is disgusting! This kind of language belongs in the garbage can of history! Hi ya!”

The announcer, who also described the vandals as dickheads and pond life, said “We are 11 minutes late due to the incident at Southampton Airport – where these muppets attacked the train.” This despite there being absolutely no doubt that the perpetrators were human.

“Waka waka! I get he was trying to be funny but not everyone has got it,” said Fozzy Bear, a compère and veteran of the stand up comedy circuit, “Using slurs for a cheap laugh just makes you sound like Jim Daividson or whatever he’s called! If you want to be funny you need to wear fur around your neck. Because everyone knows that the secret of comedy is tie mink! Geddit? Yayayya Waka waka!”

Further trouble could come after The South London Green Algae association tweeted that the comment about pond life having an IQ comparable to a flip-flop was ableist and algeist.

A spokesperson for South West Trains said “At least we’re not Southern Rail!”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.