A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being processed from January of this year.
Researchers have attributed the findings to a reduction in urine output by the general population and suggested that a combination of government policy and dismal media output may be the cause.
The head of the study, Dr Terence Phooligan told us;
“Basically, the general public have had the piss taken out of them this year in astronomical amounts. We just don’t know where it’s all gone.”
When asked to go into further details about the root cause of the problem, he added;
“In 2016 this country has seen Brexit, NHS cuts, the lack of a cohesive parliament, contrived TV shows, a lack of balance in tax law, more austerity, a rise in food banks, an increase in hate crime, inappropriate public spending, inaccurate reporting and fake news and it’s an absolute pisstake.”
Dr Phooligan went on to comment that further studies were to take place on the rising level of faeces in the country;
“The shitstorm that Britons have had to cope with this year is so huge, we have yet to come up with a viable strategy to measure it, and its still coming down from a great height”.
He did have some consolatary words for the general public in this country;
“If these results seem shocking, I must point out that my counterparts in the US haven’t finished their similar studies. They were unable to confirm any concrete figures yet as there was so much piss extracted from Americans and so much crap thrown at citizens they estimate there would be sufficient amounts to build a wall the length of the southern border”.
