This could be the headline if the Houses of Parliament aren’t upgraded.
A one off special of the show ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ will be broadcast next week on the BBC, in which international investor and President of China, Xi Jinping, buys the Houses of Parliament at auction.
The show sees Mr Xi buy the dilapidated old building for £150,000 and talk about his plans to to convert it into luxury waterside apartments.
During the show Mr Xi is shown gormlessly wandering round the empty main chamber, pretending to inspect it, before explaining his plans:
“I’m always after British investment properties and this was perfect. It does need a lot of work though; it’s completely infested with bastards. The whole place needs stripping, and the legislation bringing into the present. The floor is awash with bullshit, particularly on Wednesdays. There’s a rising right wing problem throughout, damaging the foundations of government. Plus there’s a strong smell of Gove that apparently no one can get rid of.”
When asked if he was concerned with the parliament being crooked, he replied “it’s the best sort, and perfect for development”.
Mr Xi then explained his plans for the building; “I’m going to completely gut it, along with anyone who objects to the plans. Then I’ll make a load of holiday apartments for sale only to rich oligarchs/crooks, in line with central London planning policy. Then I’ll transfer power to the glorious People’s Republic. Which to be honest, I don’t see making much difference to everyday life in the UK.”
