The Government has announced that Boris Johnson is to be sent into space as part of its new space program.
An insider told us, “We’ll need to test the rocket. In the past the American’s and the Russian’s would use chimps and dogs. But EU animal welfare rules mean you’re not allowed to send intelligent beings up into space anymore. So after careful consideration the Government decided that Boris Johnson was the perfect candidate. It will be a one way mission in all probability.”
Surprisingly, Mr Johnson’s family seem to be right behind the idea. His wife told us, “He keeps going on about boldly going where no British politician has gone before. I said he should consider the truth or a salad bar but he just kept singing Rocket Man to himself.”
Sources for the Herald have informed us that the Government had considered asking the public to vote for who they should send into space. It was thought this was impractical has a rocket big enough to carry the whole of the Commons would be a colossal undertaking.
When contacted Mr Johnson said, “Oh by-gosh, by-jeeve, by-jove, oh by-gosh, by-gum by-gee.” It’s understood this response won over 7500 new voters in Kent.
It’s not yet clear when Mr Johnson will be sent into space but it is understood that it could be as soon. If the plan doesn’t come to fruition then the alternative is for Mr Johnson to be fired from a catapult into the Atlantic Ocean.
