New York – There has been more fire and fury today as a blaze at the top of Trump Tower in New York left tone person dead.

Questions have already been raised by commentators as to whether or not this is an insurance job.

The White House is already denying any collusion with Russia over a pair of Ray Bans that have been included in a hastily put together insurance claim although several thousand dollars worth of self tanning products have been waived through without concern.

Whilst the investigation into the seat of the fire is ongoing, the office of businessman, cat killer and POTUS mini-me Donald Trump Jr has denied in the strongest of terms that the fire started while Junior was burning a dossier regarding his connections in Moscow.

The Trump organisation has added that it is an unfortunate coincidence that all of their email servers, surveillance tapes and visitor logs happened to be in the same room as the fire, in a large pile when the fire broke out.

Donald Trump Jr has assured The Rochdale Herald that no wrongdoing occurred: “If there was any evidence of any wrong doing, and there wasn’t obviously, because there was no wrongdoing then it was all destroyed in a completely freak accident.”

“It’s just a shame that the we keep the email, surveillance tapes and the visitor book from the reception desk in the lobby in that room with all the petrol and the matches. Goodness knows how the fire started.”

It is thought that the blaze quickly spread to the roof where a large pile of books consisting of the entire first edition stock of Michael Wolff’s latest publication had been doused in gasoline, adding to the inferno.

84 fire fighters attended the scene although it is reported that some were overheard asking if they “really had to.”

Further information on this as the investigation continues.

Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"