The children of middle class parents all over the country are celebrating the rest of their holidays by doing paperwork.

“It’s vitally important that children fill out the correct forms after having fun at Christmas.” Danielle Brierley, CEO of the children’s charity Fun Fighters, told The Rochdale Herald.

“Children should be keeping detailed records of who bought which Christmas presents, preferably as they’re being opened, in triplicate and possibly using excel.”

“Ideally you should be running some kind of bespoke database on a dedicated server, nothing fancy SAP or Oracle should do it.”

“It would be terrible if some adult who spent six quid on some Leglo for a seven year old didn’t get a thank you card in a timely fashion.”

Fun Fighters runs workshops and seminars all over the country around the year teaching children as young as four the importance of things like keeping lists, general administration, the importance of always being an hour early and dental hygiene.

Seven year old child Harrison Adams from Rochdale said: “I have to hand write about fifty thank you letters this week. If I put in a solid nine to five I should get them all done before I go back to school on the fifth of January.”

“The important thing is that all the adults get a barely legible thank you note for a present I won’t get to play with because I’m writing thank you notes this week.”

“Fortunately Mum bought me a labelling machine, a receipt book and some carbon paper for my birthday so I have accurate records.”

“Christmas really is a magical time of year.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.