People across the country have expressed outrage in response to the revelation that a ban on Christmas has been revealed to be false.
An image of a newspaper article claiming that councils have banned Christmas in order to appease Muslims has been circulating on social media. The response to this was met with disgust by many, only to be replaced by heavy sighing and mutters of “fucking great”, mainly by jaded and cynical people around the age of 30, once it was debunked by the website Snopes.
‘I had so many plans.’ said Nick Headland, 28, of Rochdale. ‘My mates and I were gonna go to Brighton and go clubbing. Now all this vodka, ecstasy and lube is gonna go to waste.’
There have since been reports of countless numbers of people re-booking train tickets while drinking alcohol from the bottle, long queues of depressed shoppers purchasing toys, and couples arguing about whose parents are visiting them this year.
A spokesman for the Muslim Council of Britain responded to the outrage, saying ‘We have no intention to cause hurt or offense to any non-Muslims in Britain. Lots of British Muslims also celebrate Christmas, and we completely understand the distress that has been caused. We deeply apologise for failing to ban this stressful, tedious holiday, and for the hope that has been taken from you.’
The realisation that they once again have to endure the Queen’s speech, extra Eastenders and sprouts has caused the population of the UK to emit a sigh, not disimilar to the sound of a slowly deflating party balloon, which was audible on the International Space Station.
Thanks Britain First. Keep your big ideas to yourself next time, eh?
