A Rochdale family have been telling The Rochdale Herald how a Burnley couple have invited them to Thanksgiving dinner tonight.
Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, “It’s a holiday not traditionally celebrated here as it’s fairly meaningless unless you’re American. But, over the past few years it has found favour with many preening British hipsters.”
“What many people don’t seem to understand is that it was invented so that Americans had a holiday they could spend with family members they hated without ruining Christmas.”
Drew Peacock, a door to door toothpick salesman, told us “Oli asked me last week what size turkey he should get. I thought he was on about Christmas but he told us it was for Thanksgiving.”
“He’s even gone as far as sourcing American craft beers and a few cases of Abita. I mentioned I like Sam Adams and he looked at me as if I’d just loudly soiled myself.”
His wife, Ivana “Flo” Peacock said, “They’re not even American and they’ve gone all out doing Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. Who the hell eats pumpkin pie when they’ve got access to Krispy Kreme’s?”
“I used to be alright with Black Friday but that’s gone all rubbish now. Last year I bought a water fountain for a dog, 20 boxes of athletes foot cream and a box that turns the lights on when I’m not at home.”
Another family member, Chris Peacock, who wishes to remain anonymous said, “The only time Oli went to America was 5 years ago when he went to Orlando.”
“He moaned that the beer was rubbish, the weather was too warm and he couldn’t get a roast dinner anywhere. He even got chucked out of the Kennedy Space Centre for telling the tour guide that he had evidence that the moon landings were faked.”
Preening hipster bore Oli told us, “It’ll be a celebration of all that’s good about our life. We’ll get together with people we love, have a nice meal and a few beers then kick back and watch the Green Bay Bulls game. Then tomorrow we’ll hit the shops for the sales. I could do with 20kg of discounted cat litter.”
It’s understood that Oli next intends to celebrate Martin Luther King day in January as he has always admired the South African President.
