Authorities in Lancashire are trying to solve the riddle of a man in Rochdale who is now communicating with the outside world only by sighing.
The condition, known as “fuckthissyndrome”, causes otherwise healthy middle-aged men to lapse into a trance-like state and sigh whenever they see a story in a newspaper or are asked a question.
It was originally believed the syndrome was only affecting men in Lancashire who have to deal with people who voted to leave the European Union on a daily basis but increasingly men in the United States who have come into contact with Trump voters have started suffering from the condition.
Tests show that men suffering from the condition have not suffered brain damage, but are simply sick of trying to answer idiotic questions on a daily basis. Or are simply so disappointed by everything they read in the news that they are unable to do anything but groan inwardly.
“My husband started sighing heavily about two years ago whenever he saw Nicola Sturgeon on the telly. He’d point at her and then try to speak and just sigh. It got worse when Cameron announced the EU Referendum. By the time Stephen Crabb chucked his hat in the ring for the leadership of the Conservative Party he wasn’t able to speak.” Barbara Dickinson told The Rochdale Herald.
“I’m not sure if it’s that he can’t speak, or just can’t be arsed anymore.”
We asked Steve Dickinson to comment but he was too busy reading a story about Mark Garner, The International Trade Minister, and dildos to give us anything other than:
“Sigh…”
