Peter Pan of Pop Peeves Proud Populace

Cliff Richards recently learned that South Yorkshire Police will not be pursuing historic sexual abuse claims against him, but he hasn’t escaped the wrath of the good folk of Rochdale. The entire population is furious that the warbler has never performed in, or even had a summer holiday in our fine city.

The singer, whose career has spanned almost sixty years, has never been charged or prosecuted for any crime; including those such as GBH, hate-speech, embezzlement, armed robbery, attempted murder, or sexual contact with animals and we are not suggesting he’s guilty of any of them. Proud Rochdalians, however, say he’s DEFINITELY GUILTY of failing to make any attempt to entertain the City.

The baby faced entertainer had the bare faced cheek to turn down an invitation to the nearby annual Haywood Queen’s Park Fete in 2014 with a derisory response through his PA and nothing has been heard from him since, so obviously we don’t talk any more.

As a result of his half century of disrespect, we at The Herald decided to hit the streets to find out what you, the public, think of his blatant shunning of Rochdale’s inhabitants and the results weren’t pretty. A selection of the responses can be seen below, along with some interesting photographs.

Chester Brickmore (37): ‘I think it’s a f**king disgrace, this shameless old c**t must think we’re a bloody joke. What’s wrong with the a**e-sn****ng s*****abber’?

Seamus Carney (87): ‘Peter Pan of f**king Pop? That must make Rochdale Never Never Land, because the co******ing w***er has never been here’.

Anita Wakefield (67): ‘What a load of sh*** y bo*****s. This t**t better not show his f****ng face round here or I’ll scratch his eyes out’.

Abdul Aziz (19): ‘I’ve never listened to this complete wa***aft and I never will. F***ing n***e thinks he’s too good for us does he? F**k him’.

Sharon Ariel (40): ‘This b****rd has always disgusted me. There’s definitely something fishy going on there. Why does he refuse to come here? Ban the sp*****cket, I say’.

Cyril Smythe (76): ‘I liked him years ago, but if the c***-hungry s***wipe refuses to come here, then he can go and stick a d***o up his a**e’.

As you can see, Richards’ continuous spurning of our city has gone down like a bag of s**t dropped from Ashfield Valley flats and these were just some of the more polite responses.

Let us know what you think in the comments section below.