Hundreds of residents of Nelson Mandela House in Peckham have been evacuated after 20,000 Litres of highly flammable, luminous yellow paint was found stockpiled in one of the flats.
The flat is thought to belong to local millionaire retail entrepreneur Derek Trotter. Council officials who investigated reports of the paint said they found a number of other items that they would like to discuss with Mr Trotter. These included some half-priced cracked ice, miles & miles of carpet tiles, TVs, a Deep Freeze, some David Bowie LPs, Pool Games, Gold Chains and some antique Trevor Francis Tracksuits which had, apparently, previously been available only from a Mr Mush of Shepherds Bush.
Rumours that the flat has been illegally sub-let to a Mr Uncle-Albert have not been confirmed.
Mr Trotter, a well-known figure in the community, polarises opinion. One local, who asked only to be known as “Trigger” told us that Mr Trotter, of Hooky Street in Peckham, was something of a modern day Robin Hood
‘He’s something of a modern-day Robin Hood’ he said. ‘Black or white, rich or broke – he’ll cut prices at a stroke’ he continued.
However, our investigations have led to a rather darker side of Mr Trotter. We can find no records of Income Tax or VAT. Similarly, locals such as one resident who asked to be known only as “Boycy” said Mr Trotter was renowned for offering “no money back & no guarantee” on his goods.
Jeremy Corbyn has called for a Public Enquiry into whatever aspect of this story proves to be the most unpopular. Furthermore he has accused the Tories of systematic failure to deal with whatever that is and that he would be making a fuller, more patronising statement at the next outdoor music festival he can find.
