President Trump has arrived in Saudi Arabia on the first leg of his International tour.
Before landing Mr Trump told the Herald, “We have much in common with Saudi Arabia. I like to promote members of my family into positions of power as does the Saudi Royal Family. Saudi Arabia likes using weapons and we like to sell the Saudi’s weapons.
Saudi Arabia is an extreme Theocracy with the Government controlling almost all aspects of people’s lives and permitting very little personal freedom for those people. Many of my followers wish the same for America.
Additionally, we have many common security interests as well. America’s ongoing war against extremist Islam and Saudi Arabia’s historic promotion of Salafism are areas that we share a common interest.”
During a press conference on Air Force One Mr Trump was able to confirm that Steve Bannon had swept the aircraft for any chemtrail paraphernalia and found none. “See, that’s how sneaky these people are. They took the chemtrails off the plane when I became President as they knew I’d look for them.”
In comments made about ongoing investigations into Russian collusion President Trump called ex-FBI head James Comey, a “nut job.”
Speaking to the Herald Mr Trump said,”He’s crazy. What sort of chief of a police department has a dinner with his boss and takes detailed notes of what was being discussed? That conversation was meant to be between me, him and my Twitter followers.”
Mr Trump, an avid follower of the factually reliable Info Wars website which has been described by it’s leader, Alex Jones as ‘performance art’ said, “This is all part of a Government conspiracy to show me in a bad light. Mr Comey is an agent of that conspiracy.” When it was pointed out to Mr Trump that he is the Government Mr Trump told the Herald, “Not my Government. The deep Government made up of the Clintons, Obama’s, Bilderberg group and the Rothschilds.”
The President, who accused Barack Obama of wiretapping phones in Trump Tower earlier this year said he found it preposterous that the FBI might be wiretapping the Russian delegation Washington as a part of their routine operation.The Russian Government for their part were not surprised and even expect it. A Spokesman for the Russian Government told the Herald, “We expected the phones would be tapped. We found the bugs when we were putting our bugs in.” He went on to add, “Of course we have transcriptions of conversations. We wanted to know exactly what was said between Mr Trump’s officials and ours. That’s how blackmail works.”
Mr Trump, for his part said, “This is a conspiracy to do me down. Nobody in history has been treated as badly as me.” Mr Trump retracted this when several instances of people being treated much worse were pointed out including that of the Emporer Valerian. The Emperor was used as a foot stool by the Persian King Shapur and forced to swallow molten gold, endure being flayed alive and had his skin stuffed with straw and preserved as a
trophy in the main Persian temple.
The tour comes as a welcome relief to those in the Whitehouse who are on the verge of exhaustion as their job it is to try to present some semblance of coherence between what President Trump says on twitter and Government policy.
