Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle ticket in the next week.
The surprising decree has been issued after no volunteers were forthcoming to offer a baby for the purpose.
There will be one ticket per infant and all ticket stubs will be entered into a raffle to determine which baby the PM will kiss during the election campaign. Parents of the winning baby will be required to sign a legal waiver preventing them claiming for damages should any fire damage occur to their issue upon contact with the Prime Minister.
“That’s going to need re-working.” A Downing Street insider let slip. “It really needs to include a frost bite clause more than fire. Although, arguably we don’t know what will happen if a poor child wins. They may spontaneously ignite? We won’t know till it happens.”
It’s expected the PM will be wearing gloves and is in training not to hiss or spit if getting close to an infant born without lands or title or a massive fucking hedge fund.
The NHS has been informed. It’s possible the baby will not be returned after use.
