Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed.
The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, “Santa didn’t get his CRB check in in time. He submitted it in October but there’s an 8 week backlog. He paid extra to get it checked and that’s when we made the discovery. Honestly, having looked at the evidence it’s disturbing how that man manages to drive a sleigh with that much alcohol in his body. A man with so many drink driving convictions shouldn’t be delivering presents to children. And what he did to that Walkabout is animal-like. They’re still trying to get the stains out of the bucking bronco machine”.
“Then you have to take the tax evasion charges that he’s facing in Finland. Do we really want a man like that visiting children?”
With Santa due to start delivering presents next week alternative means have been sort to try to deliver them.
A spokesman for Santa said, “Someone had the bright idea of using drones. Unfortunately the presents were all delivered from Lapland to Gatwick Airport and well, it’s left us in a bit of a sticky situation.”
It’s understood that prior to CRB checks being introduced there was a huge problem with pedophiles posing as Santa in grotto’s up and down the country. One spokesman said, “It’s a shame as many children no longer get to experience sitting on the lap of a man with a raging boner. They’re really missing out.”
It’s understood that next year could be a problem as Santa will require a Visa to enter the UK. Something that may notbe granted with so many drink drving convictions.
