Brexit secretary Dominic Raab, who had one job, to achieve an appropriate agreement to leave the EU, has resigned from the government

Announcing his departure on Twitter, because of course he did, because we are so far removed from proper politicians writing actual letters, he came up with some guff.

“I have been finding ways to blame others for my failure to do my work properly since my days at Lady Margaret Hall,” said the former Brexit Secretary and disappointment of his Oxford tutor’s eye.

“Look, if I was some kind of swot, I’d have ended up properly researching things like Cathy Newman does.  But I’m a blagger.  A bit of a geezer, in Oxford terms.  I mean, if I could have held down a proper job with proper pay, do you think I’d have gone into politics.”

The former Brexit Secretary’s main achievement to date has been to have the Civil Service adopt the same tactic he did at College to lengthen his written submissions.  Namely, to stick some extra As in Raaaaab.  

His other achievement was to not realise that a lot of trade goes through the Dover to Calais crossing, thus further burnishing the Tory party’s credentials as the only party that truly understands business.

Lady Margaret Hall Professor of Politics, Philosophy and Economics Gillian Peele said she had already started work on ‘Dumb and Dumber: a tale of two Brexit Secretaries”.

In the meantime, we look forward to see who will be the next goon managing to make Mother Theresa look competent by contrast.