The FBI have allegedly revealed the location of a secret golf course in Chernobyl to Donald Trump today.

One FBI spokesman said, “POTATUS was on Twitter saying that the FBI were a bunch of syphilitic whores who were just out to get him because we do everything Obama tells us. Frankly, we’ve had enough so we’ve shown him some secret photos of a golf course in Chernobyl. He’s already packing his golf clubs and working out how he can shoehorn a state visit to Ukraine into his schedule when he next has an appraisal with Putin.”

Many people have voiced doubts that playing golf in Chernobyl is a good idea as the amount of radiation a person would experience during a weekend of golf could kill them. However, Trump dismissed these concerns as fake news peddled by a bunch of social justice warriors.

He said, “I asked Vladimir if Chernobyl was dangerous. He said it wasn’t. I have no reason to disbelieve him. Scientists and the fake news media say it’s dangerous. Scientists don’t know anything. I’ve one of the great scientific minds and my mind says that playing golf in Chernobyl will be beneficial. There’s no evidence Chernobyl is dangerous. I’m going to go to Chernobyl, play golf and prove everyone wrong. The other day, I saw footage of a fox wandering around Chernobyl. It was beautiful. I intend to go there and kill it and turn it into a coat for Melania.”

Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, “That fox died last week. When it died it was about 90% tumour.”

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.