Homeless reduction is the latest resounding success for Britain’s most popular female Prime Minister ever.

The May Government has shown that not only may it govern, it shall govern, with a phenomenal achievement in tackling the country’s homelessness problem. All too frequently, this blight on our nation has been shrugged off by central government. Characterising it as a local government issue, like tower block fire safety, has all too frequently allowed Westminster to shirk the issue.

But we see the homeless every day, and we know it’s a problem. Our hearts hardened to the topic, we have nationally failed to take proper action. Occasionally, local champions emerge, like Labour Councillor John Blundell, Rochdale’s plucky Council Cabinet Member for Regeneration. He felt that a financial disincentive would work, that fining beggars would help stop them begging. But, like many Labour policies, it’s a mere sticking plaster.

What we need is to reduce the numbers of homeless, and no one does that better than the Conservatives. Concerted efforts from landlords supporting the party raising rents to cuts in welfare and social housing, and, of course the gig economy, have really helped. So, whether it’s in supermarket car parks, church graveyards, or hostels, the rate of reduction of the nation’s homeless population doubled between 2013 to 2017.

Indeed, during 2017, this is estimated to be at least one homeless person ceasing to be homeless each week. In fact so effective is the government’s policy that the formerly indigent are not just ceasing to be homeless, they are ceasing to be.

Full stop.

Dead.

These figures are just estimates, and could be higher, as, quite rightly, no part of the UK government bothers to check this stat nationally, and local authorities aren’t required to monitor it either.

In a speech at the Mansion House dinner last night, the nation’s most popular female Prime Minster ever, Theresa May, was applauded for harnessing the Beast from the East to serve the nation’s goals. As such 2018 is expected to surpass even 2017 as a bumper year for the reduction in the homeless.

So three cheers for Theresa May – homelessness is finally a problem that has well and truly been put on ice.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?