Donald Trump has called for a ‘total and complete shutdown’ of dinosaurs entering the United States after inadvertently watching the new trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.
It is understood that the US President stumbled across the trailer whilst binge-watching footage of his campaign rallies on YouTube, and called for the ban during his daily early-morning Twitter meltdown.
“Dinosaurs are a BIG THREAT to national security. No respect for our values and make ZERO contribution to the economy. Went extinct and now want to steal American jobs. Dems and Crooked Hillary would welcome them with open arms! We need to GET SMART!” he tweeted.
In a statement released a short time later, the White House confirmed that the President was calling for a complete ban on all dinosaurs entering the country “until Jeff Goldblum has worked out what the hell is going on”.
During a heated press conference, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders defended the President’s decision, telling reporters that they should be focusing more on his concern for the safety of the American people than on the fact that he believed Jurassic World to be a real place.
“Whether it’s a real video or a movie trailer, the threat is real,” she told stunned reporters. “His goal is to promote strong border security and I think he’s doing that by highlighting these threats when he sees them.”
Dinosaur advocacy groups reacted angrily to the ban, with some describing Hollywood’s negative portrayal of carnivorous dinosaurs as “just another form of racism”.
Velociraptor Dave Stevens, from the campaign group Dino Lives Matter, told the Herald that Trump’s ban would likely lead to more discrimination against his kind.
“The trouble is, this propaganda is seen by people who have never spoken with a dinosaur, worked alongside a dinosaur or even just had one as a neighbour,” he said.
“Statistics show that you have more chance of being shot by a toddler than you do of being blinded by a Dilophosaurus or eaten by a T-rex whilst sitting on the toilet.
“That asshole Spielberg has a lot to answer for.”
At press time, there are reports that Trump has reversed the ban after watching a particularly enjoyable episode of Barney the Dinosaur.
