Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years.
His Butler, Riff Raff told us, “He came downstairs for Breakfast at 8 to take his morning paper. He was keen to know the news of Andrew Jackson’s invasion of Florida. Unfortunately, it’s only 10 days since the invasion began so it’s not in the newspapers yet.”
It’s understood that Rees-Mogg spent a good hour lecturing his eldest son on the evil’s of Lord Byron. Riff-Raff said, “He’s concerned his son is buying too heavily into the cheap throwaway culture of his time.”
“He believes his son’s interest in Romantic poetry is just further example of his being a dilettante. Rees-Mogg is more of a John Donne man. They had a terrible falling out over Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage. It was so bad Rees-Mogg announced he was going to obtain his son a commission into the Indian Army. His son took exception to this and attempted to kick a passing peasant.”
Rees-Mogg then went to a 4 hour Latin mass at his private Cathedral. Riff-Raff said, “It’s well known that the master loves a good long mass. Not only that but he had 2 hours with the Priest afterwards discussing St Augustine’s latest release.”
This week Rees-Mogg will travel to the north to some of his mills. There, he will tell his workers that due to a surplus of cheap cotton from the USA they will all have to work longer hours for less pay. If workers refuse this then they will all be sent to the Workhouse.
He’ll then travel south where he will attend a demonstration of the new Stirling Engine.
He’ll end the week by visiting bereaved families on one of his estates. The families, we’re recently caught up in a Smallpox epidemic. Once there he will pray for the souls of the dead before heading back to his estate to observe Easter.
