Police in Burnley have been inundated with 999 calls after shops started stocking fresh fruit and veg.
Rumours that local shops had been taking secret night time deliveries of fruit and vegetables started to circulate in the early hours and pictures of the food items had been shared on social media.
Many residents had been so upset that healthy food was on sale they called the police, mother of two Chardonnay Jones, told the Rochdale Herald that she was “fummin” after going to her local shop to buy two cheese pasties for her kids only to find “poncey apples and that”.
She told us: “I was so confused and upset I had to call 999. First I had to call 999 after McDonalds put a gherkins on my Big Mac after I asked them not too and now this. It’s a disc race.”
A police spokesplod said “we have taken a number of 999 calls about sightings of vegetables in shops in the Burnley area including tomatoes and leeks.”
“We are urging the public to stay calm and not panic. You can’t become a vegetarian just by looking at them.”
Greater Manchester Police have begged the public to stop calling as they are dealing with a very real humanitarian crisis.
“Local KFC restaurants have been shut for several days now and children in Burnley and Oldham are in very real danger of actually starving to death.”
Chief Inspector of Burnley told us that: “Our resources are stretched to breaking point dealing with the KFC crisis. As a Burnley local myself I have no idea what would happen to you if you ate a piece of fruit.”
“We are advising the public to use their common sense and make their way to the nearest Burger King or McDonalds if they need to eat and stay away from unfamiliar and possibly lethal fresh vegetables.”