President Donald Trump told the world that “there’s nobody better than me on the military” last night as he ushers in new era of transparency for the Pentagon.
As the war of words with North Korea intensifies, President Trump has ordered American troops to prove to “little rocket man” that he has what he described on the toilet last night as the “most bases, huge bases, and the fittest troops, really great guys.”
The Commander-in-Chief’s instructions were simple. Troops were instructed to purchase Trump fitness app The Art of Steel. The costs of doing so could then be claimed back from the government, same as when all those folk stay at Mar-La-Go.
The Art of Steel app was then to be kept on at all times, with the resulting heat map proving once and for all that the US had the most troops, far more than North Korea. In addition, troops were instructed to take regular exercise following the perimeter fences of US bases. This would highlight that the US really has the most foreign bases.
The surprise locations of these heat maps appeared to confirm the President’s assertion that many of them are secret, so it seems Kim Jong-Un “better watch out” as POTUS put it.
In response, a spokeswoman for North Korea said the recent earthquake southeast of Changjin County was:
“Just a normal natural earthquake. The peace-loving people of North Korea have no intention of acting on this new information, although we thank you for it.”
The President’s move was praised unquestioningly by leading Republicans, Fox News and a few dipshits on social media as usual.