A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with new therapy.

Mike Smith went to the toilet this morning and was already sitting on the bog when he realised he had forgotten to take his phone with him.

“He was in a terrible condition when we managed to get to him.” Rochdale paramedic Steve Blenkinsopp told The Herald. “ he had been alone with his own thoughts for almost five minutes before the panic had set in and he passed out.”

In a last-ditch effort to get to his phone so he could check Facebook, again, Mike had tried to get to his bedside table with his boxers around his ankles.

“We’re pretty sure that’s how he fell down the stairs.”

“He might learn to walk again and with the proper surgery and therapy he is certainly in with a chance of being able to feed himself with a spoon by the end of 2019.”

Mr Ulverston, head of Rochdale’s Health and Safety Executive told The Herald: “going to the toilet without your phone is very, very dangerous. You can trip over while you’re shuffling around the house with your pants around your ankles while looking for it.”

“We recommend that you check your pockets carefully before going to the loo or you might hyperventilate when you discover you might have to sit quietly on your own for two minutes.”

“Or you might fall down the stairs like Mike.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.