Success came to Rochdale today as Britain voted and decided that Rochdale was the town most likely to first turn to cannibalism in the post Brexit food riots expected in mid 2019.
The Rochdale Herald has long worked to bring attention to a neglected region of the country which normally only makes national news if the Daily Mail or some other rag of distortion can make some money out of the town for a day.
Our local correspondent, currently on a stress related work break in Cornwall, phoned the city council from the former fisherman’s cottage he’s renting to see how they are taking the news?
“I’m sharpening some sticks.” Councillor Bill Turning commented merrily. “I”m not sure if I’d prefer the thrill of being the hunted or the hunted early on in the riot? Then turn the tables? But I’m going to be ready for both.”
Calls have been raised by leading politicians lately that the country, especially England, needs to renew its old city walls and prepare for the civil war that follow Brexit in 2019.
It’s thought if by some trickery of Satan the current prime minister, Theresa May, is still prime minister at the time there is bugger all chance of any swift and sensible decisions being taken. Food shortages should kick in before the summer harvests and raiding parties begin to cross the country seeking stores of tinned foods in other towns and villages.
“It won’t be long before all the manufactured food is eaten.” Councillor Turning advised. “The pound won’t be worth a penny, so I don’t see how the country is going to be able to buy in food supplies? We’ll most likely be too proud to ask for relief from Europe. We haven’t given ourselves anywhere near the time needed to prepare our food production industries to increase output. We’re doomed to starvation pretty swiftly.”
Councillor Turning expects to take the local youth of Rochdale and form them into militias.
“We’ll be fine. The teenage pregnancy rate in the town is off the charts. We’ll have an endless supply of young people for the wars. And we will be able to press gang enough children into the foraging parties. They can train up with the initial skirmishes and then begin raiding Manchester by night and bring home breakfast. I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s a complete opportunity to improve the town’s reputation.”
