The new BananaPhone has been launched exclusively at the male market. It has a retractable cover which simply pulls down for ease of use, and a pair of connected devices known as iPlums which act as data storage.
There has been a flurry of new handsets coming onto the market. Samsung has finally perfected a device which does not explode when fully charged, and the 21st century selfie generation is going nuts for the me!me!me!Phone. Unfortunately the BananaPhone is another model with a tendency to explode at random moments.
After exploding, the BananaPhone leaks fluid alarmingly. Although unpleasant, this fluid is completely harmless and this is, apparently, completely normal. This signifies that it is time to recharge your batteries.
A BananaPhone can manage upwards of three explosions in a day, although this decreases with age. All BananaPhone owners are advised to carry a supply of tissues at all times, or else to keep it inside an old sock.
Marketed as “a large, chunky design that fits nicely in the hand”, users have been disappointed to find that it is smaller and less chunky than expected. One common comment was that it only fits nicely in the hand if your hands are the size of Donald Trump’s.
The BananaPhone was found to turn on and off at inconvenient moments. For example a bus ride can often turn it on. When a woman expresses interest in using it, it will often spontaneously turn off and refuse to function, although sometimes it will explode prematurely in her hand.
Women have not been forgotten.
The new PearPhone, aimed at the more curvaceous lady, is much more reliable than the BananaPhone, but mysteriously shuts down for a few days each month.
For security it has a secret button to turn it on. No man has yet located this button.
