Odious journo-babbler, Katie Hopkins was furious yesterday when she discovered that her new IPhone X was in fact less use than Boris Johnson in a foreign Embassy.
“Obviously I ordered the white one, but when I got it out of the box it was silver, so at first I was nervous to even touch it!” Claimed the blood-sucking carcinogen.
“Once I finally realised it was safe to, none of the buttons worked and it wouldn’t unlock when I stared at it.
“I shouted in my Crypt for what seemed like hours, until finally Siri answered and said, ‘Sorry, your hateful face isn’t recognised, shutting down and disabling all IPhone benefits.’ So I’m now basically disabled without benefits – where’s Jeremy Corbyn when you need him?”
“Naturally I’m apoplectic. I now can’t read any of my fan letters via the Mail Online app or follow how much love Donald Trump is getting for his excellent shoot on sight policy of Hurricane Irma.”
Hopkins, who turned 300 this week, was given the Phone as a gift from her Great, great Grand-Vamp, Nigel Farage.
We spoke to an Apple Spokeswoman, Storme Aileen and she explained how the facial recognition app should work.
“It’s all based on what the camera mirrors and picks up in front of the phone. If it sees no reflection in front, it won’t unlock. In-fact Siri is programmed to shut down and seek immediate assistance from the nearest Church.”
The Vatican have confirmed they were contacted, but all agents were busy handling the current Republican undead across the Atlantic.
It is rumoured that if Hopkins eventually triggers flight mode, a plane will be chartered to fly her to Texas.
All of us at the Rochdale Herald are hoping this is true.
