It was announced today via Twitter that President Trump will now wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news in order to protect his thin skin.
The modification to the President’s usual procedure of pacing back and forth before the flat screen television ranting at the news without eye protection is thought to have caused severe burns and in numerous cases even lacerated his skin.
The Rochdale Herald’s Chief Medical correspondent spoke to a White House insider for the details on this sensible change.
“His skin is really just paper. People think he’s tough because of all the bullying he indulges in on Twitter, but he’s really about as thin skinned as a peach that’s been sat in sunlight for several days and is about to burst.”
It’s hoped the change to procedure will enable President Drumpf to form some extra layers of skin so that the next time something happens that he doesn’t like he doesn’t risk over reacting so severely as to endanger all life on Earth.
“Imagine if Trump had been in charge of negotiations during the Cuban Missile Crisis?” The insider asked. “He would have reluctantly agreed not to nuke the soviets, but he wouldn’t have liked it. Then the next morning he would have woken up early and felt some minor, perceived personal slight had occurred the day before and unilaterally launched a nuclear strike so massive we wouldn’t be sitting here today.”
It’s thought the White House will also order a suit of armour specially made for President Trump in order to further provide protection.
“We have to avoid anything like realistic criticism reaching his person. It’s really a matter of life and death now. Not so much for Trump, but certainly for everyone else.”
When asked what will be the procedure to protect the President when the inevitable impeachment proceedings begin, the insider was less worried.
“Oh, he’ll enjoy that. Can you imagine how many tickets he’ll sell for campaign rallies? He’ll be in his element, he’ll be staging a total eclipse of the truth.’”
