Swiss banks have confirmed that press coverage of UK prime minister Theresa May holidaying in the Swiss Alps has brought them a huge and unexpected boost in business.
“Normally we only get foreign potentates, third world dictators, drug magnates and the odd closet Nazi holidaying here,” said Herman Gnom, spokesman for Zurich’s Lavamatbank explaining that footage of a genuine prime minister – even one with no majority, no mandate and about to be deposed by her own party has been a huge boost for Swiss banks’ credibility.
“Do you have any idea how many suitcases she arrived with?” He grinned, waggling the fingers of both hands.
“Even better we have it on good authority that half her cabinet, and most of the Conservative and UKIP party donors are planning to visit in the next month,” he said.
“It must be the clear blue skies, the clean mountain air, the scent of the wild flowers, the hum of insects in the high pastures, and the friendliness of the simple Swiss peasant folk,” he winked, with the fervency of an un-medicated Tourettes sufferer.
“We’ve heard Philip Hammond is bringing a container truck, and Arron Banks has chartered a entire fleet,” he added.
“We are worried about Nigel Farage though. Since he embarked on his trans Europe bonkathon, marrying Irish and German women and dating women from France and other European countries, he’s completely ignored Swiss girls,” he complained.
“He should realise that there is no safer place to stash your wad than in a pretty Swiss purse,” he added.
