Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat.
Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, “Britain likes to think of itself as the nation that laughed along to George Formby and Dads Army during the second world war. This study shows this to be untrue. For instance somebody reading this will be frothing at the mouth as Dad’s Army wasn’t made until after the war.”
Rochdale pub landlord Marvin West said, “We’ve had to cancel our comedy night. It was too much hassle. One night we had a female comedian on who did some brilliant observational stuff about men based around her boyfriend. Well the next thing you know there some bloke yelling about how it’s all oppressive to men and misandry is as bad as misogyny. We had to throw him out.
One night we had one guy crack a joke about selling his pet dog to fund a holiday to Ibiza. It was obviously a joke but a fight broke out because a couple of people thought he was encouraging cruelly to animals. We’ve stopped having them now as comedy nights are cruel to imbeciles.”
Rochdale comedy club owner, Miriam said, “You’d think people would realise that it’s not at all serious. The words comedy club should give that away. Last Friday we had a bloke who must have done 10 jokes about the Tories. Then he does one about Jeremy Corbyn not being Jesus and 4 people felt the need to stand up and lecture everyone on how Jeremy is the only honest politician, how he fights for the poor and how this club is some sort of fascist promotional tool. We had to call the police in the end as they refused to leave.”
Professional drinker Martin Williams said, “I ended up in hospital with a pool cue over my head a few weeks ago. I said I couldn’t wait for Brexit as I was fed up of watching England lose in the Eurovision song contest every year. Alright it wasn’t the most original joke but this guy next to me started shouting at me saying I was being xenophobic and I should have been euthanised as a baby. Next thing I know he’s hitting me with a pool cue and saying I’m worse than Hitler.”
German tourist Gerhard Wolfe said, “I’d read how the British are really funny and love a laugh. When I visited Stonehenge I was asked what I thought of it. I said that it would be great once they’ve finished it. At that point the person I said it to got so annoyed he asked why I had come to a country I didn’t like and if my country was so good I could go back there because you won the war.”
Frederick Seddon said, “This evidence shows that Britain has lost its sense of humour. The correlation with a decrease in pub chat cannot be ignored. In the past people would have joked in the pub. Our evidence suggests they’re not doing this now as most pub conversations are just a tedious listing of house prices and home improvements. Britain needs to get back to having a laugh.”
