Theresa May is reported to be surrounded by a Bomb Disposal Unit this evening after the discovery of an unexploded grenade inside her ass.
The grenade, nicknamed “Dementia Tax” was apparently inserted into May’s rear by Theresa May herself and some guy called Nick Timothy in a public ceremony last Friday.
An insider at Number 10 explained what went wrong.
“Theresa didn’t realise it was a grenade, even when she stuck it in bottom first and asked Timothy to pull the pin.
She thought it was some sort of giant aerosol popper you put up your arse and then enjoyed yourself as it attracted votes by explaining to anyone over sixty that private companies are going to be state sanctioned to steal your assets of a life time under the pretence of wiping drool off your chin when you go crazy via any of a spectrum of as yet incurable and terrifying, degenerative neurological diseases.”
Apparently anyone over sixty, getting the scent of the aerosol, immediately realised that the comfort they were feeling in the belief they were going to pass on useable assets to their children is now false unless the family wins the cash lottery of them dying suddenly.
Luckily for May the terror she is experiencing at realising it is actually a grenade has caused her to clench so tightly the firing mechanism has not yet activated.
It’s reported the Prime Minister has retreated to a corner and is screaming at the frantic bomb disposal officers as they scour the carpet for the pin.
It’s expected this Nick Timothy guy, who no one’s really heard of before, will be handed the pin and told to get back in there and re-insert it into the grenade before a suddenly incendiary Labour vote burns the Conservative lead to ashes.
