A giant orange man child who accidentally got himself elected President of the United States during a publicity stunt for his gaudy golf course business announced live on television that he doesn’t make mistakes, immediately before making a mistake.

Trump, who still spells honour “honer” despite the best efforts of both Twitter and Apple’s spell checking software, told reporters that he doesn’t make mistakes immediately before he introduced a man called Chuck as Ken.

The Wall Street Journal have been sent a large carpet cleaning bill after their correspondent Carol Lee pissed herself laughing in the Roosevelt room and Jim Acosta of CNN is said to be recovering well after collapsing with a bleed on his brain following a four hour long laughing fit.

Melissa Spicer, Trump’s press secretary, told The White House press corps that if they didn’t all stop laughing he’d lock them all out of after Jon Sopel of the BBC asked if such an hysterical on air gaffe was “unpresidented.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.