The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain 1.5 billion litres of human excrement.
It is difficult to know exactly how long the Tories have been contaminating the public with staggering volumes of liquid stools – but new evidence suggests it may have built up over several decades. Concerns were raised after a large number of party supporters were admitted to hospital with thick, pungent faeces leaking from their ears and noses.
Gary Arsole-Smythe, one of many receiving treatment, described the ordeal as, “A nugget-coughing, turd-storm of a nightmare.”
“I was just listening to Theresa May explain why a hard Brexit would be great for the country and suddenly all this frothy, nutty sludge starting gushing from my face holes. I tried to stop it using the Daily Mail I was reading but somehow that just made it worse.”
