Our South Yorkshire correspondent Sebastian Wiesel recounts his experience of yesterday morning.

“I was walking round Sheffield antiques quarter this morning, looking for a place for brunch. Following a delicious goat cheese omelette I emerged to find I was in a part of town close to the mosque. I had previously scorned the scare stories about ‘no-go areas’ put forward by the numbskulls of Britain First and the EDL. This was, however, clearly one of those areas the right wing extremists would say a white man entered at his peril.”

“It was not long before I found myself told to sit down in a room with a picture of Mecca on the wall. A burly bearded Muslim man approached me, speaking to another man in what I recognised as Arabic. He asked me a series of questions and then pushed my head forward exposing my neck. Still chattering casually to the other Muslim man he proceeded to produce a wickedly sharp blade and set to work on me.”

Sebastian concluded “It is the best haircut I have had and I thoroughly recommend VIP Gents Hairdresser of Abbeydale Road. I still scorn the numbskulls of NF and EDL, most of whom could use a decent hairstyle.”

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