In a shocking announcement from Malayasia, official sources have revealed that President Donald Trump’s half-brother has been assassinated at Kuala Lumpur Airport.

According to local TV reports, Mr Trump’s older brother, Fred, was killed at the airport by some pussy, wielding “poisoned needles”. The two deplorable women then fled the scene in a taxi.

Considered to be politically irrelevant, Fred Trump Jr. was disinherited from the family business because he had tried to escape from the family compound to visit Disneyland as a child.

Sidelined from Trump Famiglia activities, particularly initiatives in obtaining and keeping power, he became a vocal critic of the new authoritarian regime. 

Latterly, Mr Trump had been forced to live outside the country of his birth because of his public condemnations of his family’s growing dynastic control of the increasingly isolated state. He had previously survived an earlier assassination attempt.

Steve Bannon was unavailable for comment.