Prime Minister Theresa May today admitted that the ‘Brexit Bill’, allowing her to trigger the Article 50 exit clause from the European Union had been drafted, over a liquid lunch, on the back of a napkin from the House of Commons restaurant.
The Bill, which is just eight lines long and contains only 130 words, was subsequently typed up for publication but clearly bears what appear to be marks caused by spilled liquid, quite possibly the House of Commons Hauts de Montrouge Colombard/Sauvignon Blanc 2014.
According to the House wine list the wine is ‘the product of the coming together of fiercely proud, traditional, hardworking and passionate local grape growers in the heart of Gascony, creating a vintage where the Colombard grape expresses itself with great freshness and finesse adding structure to the flavour and feel of the Sauvignon Blanc.’ In direct contrast to the Bill itself, which resembles little more than a drunken attempt at deliberate obfuscation, enhanced only by the addition of a stain of winey drool.
May declined to comment on what else was consumed during the lunch. Nor was she prepared to reveal whether the Parliamentary catering services would be passing on any additional cost of wines imported from the EU after the inevitable imposition of customs duties following the UK’s planned departure from the EU, the single European market and the European Customs Union.
She also declined to comment on possible economic implications for the ‘fiercely proud, traditional, hardworking and passionate local grape growers of Gascony’ should the UK’s departure from Europe be followed by a parliamentary switch to wines produced by cynical, feckless, lazy and indifferent wine producers in the California region of the United States –
Mrs May’s destination today, where her aim is to “cement a special relationship” with US president Donald Trump.
Mrs May refused to confirm whether she would be taking any special precautions ahead of her meeting with Trump, who has gone on record confirming his predeliction for “grabbing women by the pussy”.
Commenting on rumours that Mrs May was planning to don a pair of industrial strength Tena Pants, just in case, Trump told reporters that for the kind of special relationship he had in mind she’d be needing a twelve, “possibly even a fifteen, or a twenty”.
