A spokesperson for Donald Trump has described as “absurd” claims being made by a Wisconsin couple that the President-elect is actually their 9 year-old son.
Mike and Barbara Greenhorn told reporters that they believe the 70 year-old businessman and their child, Billy, may have ‘body swapped’ following a trip to a fairground on the outskirts of Sheboygan County.
“Billy usually likes to go on the rides but he got sick from eating too much cotton candy, so he started putting his money into the slot machines instead,” Mike Greenhorn said.
“We found a machine with some sort of weird genie guy inside that said it would ‘grant any wish you desire’. Billy said it was dumb but he put his dollar in anyway and then said that he wished he could be president of the whole wide world.”
The next day, the Greenhorns claim, their son’s behaviour deteriorated to the point where they were forced to call for police assistance.
“He came stomping downstairs the following morning demanding to know where ‘Melania’ was and insisting that we call him ‘Mr. President Sir’,” said Barbara Greenhorn
“We then found out that he had skipped school and spent the afternoon trying to set up a casino in his treehouse. He threw a tantrum when he lost all of his money to little Kevin from next door and when I tried to calm him down he called me a ‘fat old bitch’ and told me to lose some weight.
“Things came to a head when he was caught trying to film his sister’s cheerleading team in the school showers. He can stay in that Juvenile Detention Centre until all of this has been sorted out, as far as I’m concerned.”
Mike Greenhorn began to suspect that their son had been transposed into the body of the self-proclaimed billionaire after reading news reports about his twitter rants.
“It all kinda just fell into place,” he said. “We had to kick Billy off social media a couple of times last year for being a little asshole and there’s no way a grown adult can be responsible for the shit coming out of Trump’s Twitter account, least of all one who’s been voted into the most powerful political office on Earth.”
The Trump camp remained defiant, however, and said that the Greenhorn’s claims were “the stuff of fantasy”.
“How can anyone be taking this seriously?” said incoming White House press secretary, Sean Spicer. “If you want to compare the greatest victory in political history to the plot of some shitty 1980’s body-swap movie then you go right ahead.
“Meantime we’re going to show Mr. Trump how to hook his PS4 up to the monitors in the White House operations room, and then he’s going to take us all out for Happy Meals.”
