Women across the UK have taken to social media to appeal to their families to not buy them “shite” presents this year.
It has become apparent in recent years, that traditional gifts considered appropriate for the “ladies of the house” during the festive season are, according to Mary Berry, “not cutting it”.
Mary is now in her 92nd year as spokeswoman for BAPS (the British Association for the Prevention of Stereotypes). According to a BAPS insider women are not as delighted as previously thought with gifts such as Boots own brand deodorant, Slim Fast and Good Housekeeping Magazine subscriptions.
Mary Berry, 108, said “The first fucker to buy me another electric whisk or cookbook for Christmas is going to get twatted across the face with my rolling pin.”
It would seem that the unrest is not limited to toiletries and sexist magazine subscriptions. The Chipping Norton based chapter of BAPS has gone so far as to picket the checkout lines at The Body Shop to prevent men from buying bath salts and Caramel soap. They are quoted as saying “that nobody ever uses the tiny body lotion bottles” and “isn’t it common knowledge that bath crystals cause hysteria in woman”.
BAPS have released a short list of gifts acceptable to women and have spent several million pounds of European grant money on a direct mail campaign to raise awareness. Gifts include;
• 2 x large bottles of Prosecco that the lady can drink all in one go without a comment such as; ‘That didn’t touch the sides’ or ‘Why do you always drink wine Mummy?’.
• Anything she has actually expressed an interest in.
• Nothing related to cookery, getting older (such as wrinkle cream), or housework.
Although controversial, the recent social media storm has attracted support from an unlikely quarter. The Lager and Darts Society (LADS) has welcomed the announcement. Their spokesman Jeremy Clarkson is quoted as saying “Wine costs less than a deep fat fryer”.
The campaign is unlikely to succeed as scientists have recently proven that men do not pay attention, as they have no idea what she really wants, they feel no obligation to buy it.
