The Head of History Faculty at Harvard University is to tour European institutions to discover the best ways to whitewash 5 years of history out of text books for future generations.

Professor Walter Whitman said;

“When this shit-storm of anti-intellectual Nationalism comes to its inevitable extinction event in a few years’ time we want to be able to whitewash over it so no-one ever talks about it or teaches it in schools. Who better than the Europeans to show us how to remove recent history from existence? We did look at the Japanese model, but who the hell just wants to have overwhelming National guilt for a whole century?”

The methods he will be examining include;

French – Declare victory and a national holiday no matter what happened and learn German just in case

Italians – Pretend the country only came into existence in 1963 and blame everything else on the Catholic Church

Germans – Refuse to engage in any conversations and dismiss any questions with “oh ven vill you going to be getting over zis?

British – Declare all British history racist unless it is about claiming responsibility for the end of slavery

Professor Whitman believes that the study will take until January 2021 to complete and will be remaining in a Paris café-bar until then.