Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn in as the new president of Flat Earth Society.
Establishment figureheads in the field of science, as well as those in the fields of blatant non-science and the fields of frankly half-baked pseudo-bollocks, expressed their heartfelt surprise today as pop star turned TV star Professor Brian Cox was sworn in as the 134th President of the Flat Earth Society.
‘I can understand how this may come as a bit of a surprise to my fans what with my being all into the science and that’ Cox told Radio Times magazine, ‘and to be honest it’s come as a bit of a surprise to me as well, but I watch a lot of Youtubes you know, and I’ve seen some things that have really opened my eyes you know, about NASA, and the whole conspiracy bullshit. I mean, do you really believe that the Sun is 93 million miles away? There is so much compelling evidence on Youtube that it’s just a heatlamp filmed in a barn in Essex that eventually I couldn’t help but stop believing in it’.
‘I think the turning point for for me was when I saw a video of someone moving a pound coin around behind a coffee table to simulate the sunrise, and the relative shadows that clouds form. Why are there no photos of the International Space Station being built? Or why can’t the Hubble telescope find little Maddy?’
‘Mind. Blown.’ he added. ‘The Universe. Is amazing.’ he continued. ‘You stupid fucking globetards’.
Brian Cox’s new series The Mysteries Of The Flat Universe is due to be shown on the now defunct BBC3 this autumn, and should be available on all good flat screen televisions.
