Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump’s hair and Boris Johnson’s gob, is modern slavery. Millions will be invested in ending it.

The PM, who demanded that police end demonstrations against her party’s workfare, said ” Vulnerable people who have travelled long distances, believing they were heading for legitimate jobs, are finding they have been duped, forced into hard labour.”

The coalition government that made May Home Secretary forced those out of work to travel long distances where they were forced to work for nothing and were duped into believing there might be a legitimate job at the end of it.

In other news One Direction are campaigning against crappy, manufactured boy bands; Gary Glitter is demanding an end to paedophilia; Russian athletes think performance enhancing drugs are immoral and The Queen is asking for hereditary titles to be scrapped.