In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist activities.

It is believed that police were alerted at around 8am this morning, after a member of the public mistook them for a group of women dressed in burkas. Upon boarding the bus, officers were met with a wall of silence and made the arrests due to concerns that the seats were trying to conceal a possible terrorist attack.

“At present, all of the suspects have maintained their right to silence,” said Counter-Terrorism officer, Detective Superintendent William Cockup.

“There is currently no information to suggest that the public is at immediate risk but I would ask people to remain vigilant and report anything that they consider to be suspicious, even if it does make them look like an absolute cockwomble.”

Cockup also confirmed that specialist Public Order officers had to be brought in to remove the suspects, who had bolted themselves to the floor of the bus.

“It is our assessment that the seats may have been radicalised after years of being sat on, vandalised and covered in chewing gum, so we can’t afford to be complacent,” he said.

Eyewitness Darren Fudd, 34, who originally spotted the group, told reporters that he had made an honest mistake but was angry that bus seats could look like “Mooslamic terrierists” in the first place.

“British seats on British buses for British people,” he ranted.

“A young child could have got on that bus and been converted to Muslin, which is a total disc race. What’s next, halal trains? Planes that only fly towards Mecca?

“I didn’t vote for Brexit so that our public transport could be held hostage by Jedaddy extremities.”

The chairperson for the Federation of Public Transport Seating was contacted for comment on the incident, but they reclined.

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30 COMMENTS

  1. I would describe the intellingence of the members of that group like Werner Herzog describes chickens; “Look into the eyes of the members of the ‘Fatherland first’-group and you will see real stupidity. It is a kind of bottomless stupidity, a fiendish stupidity.”