There was consternation last night when it was revealed that the United Kingdom has dropped to 12 in the global drinking league tables.

The country has always previously been able to rely on being a top 5 country looking to get to the semi finals at the very least of any drinking competition.

Speaking to the Herald Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale Community University said, “It’s hard to see what factors are causing this. Pubs closing and the smoking ban have all had an effect but beyond that it’s difficult to tell.”

Drinking expert Martin Williams said, “One of the problems is young people just aren’t getting into it early enough. Rarely do you see dad’s driving to the pub and then leaving the kids in the car with a bag of crisps while they get on it for a few hours. Kids don’t get into the habit of drinking that way.

I also blame Premier League football. In the old days you’d have Gazza in the dentists chair setting the example for youngsters. Now footballers are in the gym and selling fitness regimes. What sort of example is that?”

Meanwhile Darren Oakham 62 said, “Drink driving rules are another problem. In the old days you used to be able to drink 4 or 5 pints then drive home.

Now with this PC rubbish you have a couple of pints and you lose your licence. It’s not worth it anymore. The other problem is political. All the countries that are ahead of us now used to be the Soviet Union. Now they’re all separate it tilts the playing field. Liberal conspiracy if you ask me to do the UK down.”

Noted drinker Nigel Farage said, “Immigration hasn’t helped. Alright the Poles drink but most do minimum wage jobs and then send money home. Money that hard working Brits could be spending getting the drinking rate up.


Plus you have a lot of Muslims who don’t drink and just turn pubs into mosques. It’s all gonna have an effect.”

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