WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on national security.

A GCHQ spokesman said that operation Weeping Angel has born fruit. “We now have millions of recordings of people snoring, fighting about the remote, arguing about who’s turn it is to make the tea and complaining about Question Time panelists…”, said the anonymous spy.

Criticisms that the exercise was a waste of time and money have not been borne out. “The investment of a few billion pounds in monitoring software and machinery has revealed the top ten most used phrases in British households…”

  1. Why are we watching this shit?
  2. Is there anything else on?
  3. This is another fucking repeat!
  4. Can you get that? I’m watching the footie…
  5. What a complete wanker <insert name of politician> is…
  6. That’s it! I’m cancelling the Sky subscription!
  7. Dad, the telly’s gone funny…
  8. Are you coming to bed?
  9. No.
  10. Bomb, Jihadi, terrorist <gales of laughter> that’s got them going again…

When asked how many threats to national security had been identified, the spokesperson said, “…well, in round figures… think of the roundest figure there is.”

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