Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump. 

The petition insists that Trump’s racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment to Her Majesty.

But our Royal Correspondent Fimbrel Wheeliben points out that a hefty dose of misogynism and racist foot in mouthery is something The Queen encounters daily.

“The Duke of Edinburgh makes Trump look like a complete amateur in the ‘casually insulting foreigners’ stakes.”

We contacted the Palace for a statement and were frankly astonished to receive a response direct from Prince Philip himself;

“Personally I oppose letting in that textile-quiffed frog faced oik. I have been insulting picanninies, wops, kikes, gooks and dagoes, oh, and the little ladies on the world stage since 1950. Mostly accidentally I might add.”

The Duke, who once asked an aborigine if he still chucked spears at people, went on to say;

“But that Trumped up con artist is the real deal. He ought to watch his step. Perhaps he could visit Paris instead, stay at The Ritz maybe, drive through a few tunnels…”

Get monthly highlights in your inbox