People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK’s sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy, successful actress share his state benefits by marrying her at the tax payers expense.
The couple are to marry in the famous bedroom tax exempt council house, Windsor Castle.
Prince Harry is well known for constantly pleading with the public for anything they can spare to help those in need, but it is unclear whether or not the money ever makes it there. He could be spending it all on drugs and alcohol, despite there being absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support that. It has been suggested that rather than donate to Prince Harry’s charity it is safer to just buy him a sandwich.
Huge crowds of well wishers from around the world are expected to flock to Windsor on the day of the ceremony. This has sparked concern amongst members of the Conservative council that the wedding may be somehow cheapened by the presence of the wrong type of aggressive beggar.
A spokesman for Windsor Council has warned the public to be vigilant in identifying the difference between the right and wrong types of beggar. He observed, “bad beggars can be spotted by their lack of crowns. If someone asks you for money and they aren’t wearing a regal uniform, evening dress or anything jewel encrusted then it’s likely they’re the type of beggar we’re trying to get rid of. It’s imperative the other nations don’t think we’re the kind of country who has a homeless problem.”
As stated in the warning issued; any member of the public confronted by a bad beggar should “shoo” them out of town like a 17th Century French bouffon immediately.
