At the Herald, we do not make fun of the suffering of innocent disaster victims, but we do point fingers. Less Mock the Weak, more Whose Faultline is it Anyway?
In the wake of Donald Trump’s 100% honest and heartfelt sympathetic tweet (“We do even bigger quakes here in the US! Feeling for you guys!”), Evangelical Christian leaders have been quick to apportion blame.
Outspoken celebrity pastor Rev Randy Bishopbasher launched into an almost immediate tirade. “Blaspheming liberal gays, with their evil practices, are responsible!” he blasted from his online pulpit. “The LORD detesteth a man who lays with a man as with a woman, it’s in Leviticus!”
It is uncertain how American sinners could have caused a Mexican disaster, a subtle nicety lost upon the swathes of illiterate trolls who have agreed with the Rev Bishopbasher’s comments.
Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto responded by calling the Rev Bishopbasher, “A copulating termination of a ringing instrument”. It is suspected that something of the spirit of his statement got lost in translation.
Mexican buildings have been collapsing like the British economy. Innocent people are the collateral damage, although, unlike their British counterparts, the Mexican citizens have not been blamed for their misfortunes.
An eyewitness, Juan Direxhuan, made a song and dance of the situation. “The ground rumbled, and the buildings tumbled, he chanted, throwing some shapes. Meanwhile more realistic heroes got on with the grim business of locating survivors.”
Ageing musicians have been lining up to record a charity single, to raise funds for the disaster victims. Flying in from around the globe, they have been holed up in a luxury quake-proof studio in LA to perform a slightly renamed version of the Bill Haley classic, Quake, Rattle and Roll.
Seismologists have determined the cause of the quake to be the destructive subduction of a tectonic plate. Have I got boring so-called experts for you.
