Hospital staff were apparently left flabbergasted at the Duke of Edinburgh’s casually racist remarks during a recent impromptu visit by Death, the harvester of souls.
His Royal Highness had been admitted to King Edward VII hospital in central London and was being treated for ‘an infection arising from a pre-existing condition’.
“I couldn’t believe it,” hospital porter Barrington Onions told us; “we all thought Phil had cashed in his chips when the reaper showed up. Most people just cark it from fright right on the spot when he materialises, but not our Phil. Totally unfazed, he launches straight into a racist rant. ‘Oh, are you one of those Muslim Johnnies?’ he quipped. ‘You look like you’re ready for bed in that black pyjama get-up. What’s that, a scythe? I thought you people chucked spears at each other, not scythes’.
” ‘If you think I’m accompanying you down the river Styx to Bongo Bongo land you can bloody well forget it’ he continued. ‘What exotic part of Hades are you from exactly? You did well not to get eaten by your own tribes-people on the way here’.”
The rant reportedly continued in a similar vein for the best part of twenty minutes, during which Prince Philip barely paused for breath. After he’d finished, Death was described as ‘speechless and crestfallen’, and reportedly skulked out of the room and was last seen heading in the direction of the geriatric ward.
The sinister, skeletal and malodorous figure is a regular sight at King Edward VII hospital, frequently terrifying patients with his ghoulish and macabre appearance. According to staff, Death, AKA the grim reaper, is seen there quite often as well.
