Following a cabinet meeting on Tuesday the government has denied responsibility for the north east stating “we didn’t want it in the first place. When we were elected we knew there some places in the north, but no one told us we would have to look after that bit.”
The North East is comprised of a number of remote towns, some nice countryside, big holes from mining and a statue. It was once famous for building things out of metal.
Plans for a new map of England are being drawn up without showing the north east and some poor parts of Wales. Trains are being allowed to terminate at York but with the option to carry their journey further north “at their own risk”.
“We had thought of turning it into an overspill car park for Manchester, letting fracking companies drill test holes or giving it to the army to practice war games against Russia, but we have decided just to ignore it.”
People from the north east requested a meeting but Government officials stated that they could not understand what they were saying and claimed their emails were written ‘in an archaic Geordie language. ”
Labour has criticised the move, saying that the government was trying to reduce the number of Labour held parliamentary seats. William Morris, a junior minister for something said, “Parts of County Durham have been red since the reign of William the Conqueror and we like going there because beer is cheap and we can’t get peas pudding anywhere else.”
A spokesman for some people in the north east said, “to be honest we though they’d forgotten about us years ago.”