Electing Donald ‘The Donald’ Trump as their president was undoubtedly one of the most mystifying decisions made by the American people since changing the name of a Marathon bar to Snickers.
That having been said, a year later, the tangerine skinned, fact-mangling, pussy-grabbing, alt-right apologising, shagnasty, four times bankrupt, ‘billionaire’ narcissist still sits in the power seat at the Oval Office desk despite a growing number of members on both sides of the house calling for his impeachment.
Following growing unrest from within 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied that President Trump is running amok in the West Wing screaming “Where’s that red button! I want to press that Goddam button!”
The Secretary said that these rumors are wholly inaccurate and ‘fake news’.
“Y’all are a bunch of fakes!” She shouted. “Liars, each and every one of you! Be ashamed of yourselves!”
This despite the fact that men in white coats clutching butterfly nets and straight jackets were apparently seen running across the White House lawn into the West Wing.
When pressed for the whereabouts of President Trump, she said he was last seen at the Home Depot store with a Secret Service detail buying bricks “to build a wall” and that CCTV footage of toys being thrown forcibly out of a pram where nothing to do with POTATUS as he was playing golf at Mar-A-Lago at the time.
Rumours circulating that the Doctor who passed President Trump fit both mentally and physically is in fact a patient at a nearby psychiatric hospital and not a doctor as was previously assumed have been strenuously denied.